How do you move on?

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How do you move on?

Post by bigrex on Fri 28 Nov 2014, 01:15

I've been in a really dark place lately, and the uncertainty of my situation is only making things worse. First, I found out they lowered my VIP by almost $400/year, and I was already supplementing the housekeeping out of my own pocket. Then there was the whole bombshell of not having an assigned CM anymore, and waiting for the ELB retro. Plus I am starting to have the same nerve impairment symptoms that led up to emergency back surgery last year, on top of the daily pain I already endure. Then I found out my wife has been having an affair, and it all came crashing down, and I attempted suicide. But now that I did that, and lived, how do i keep going? How do I see the looks of pity, I get from my family, and not want to run away and hide. How do I look my wife of 23 years, in the face again, without wanting the pain to end?

I have always tried to help others, in any way I could. But with this, I am at a loss, and need to be the one asking for help.
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Re: How do you move on?

Post by Trooper on Fri 28 Nov 2014, 05:48

Rex,

I hear you loud and clear.

I was in your exact situation more than once.
I can also tell you that moving on with your life is not always easy in these types of situations.
I would think that most if not all of us have been in that really dark place.
No matter how hard you try to lift yourself up, things just seem to get worse.
We all have set limits within ourselves that pushes us to that very dark edge.
By reading your post, it appears that everything just keeps getting worse, you attempt to address one issue only to not succeed, it's almost like no matter what you do, things don't seem to work out for you.
We all have our own breaking point, and we all also have the strength within each and everyone of us to overcome this breaking point.
I have no problem writing this as stated above I have been to that breaking point, and successfully found the strength to overcome it.
As I am certain that you will also find the strength to overcome it.
Finding that strength is how you keep going, and move on.
The simple fact of you asking for help here, shows you do have strength.
I do not know you personally, however, I do not need to know you personally to know that you are a decent person, and one who has taken the time to help so many here on the CSAT forum.  
One way that was of some help to me was to look at each situation in this mindset, address each situation with the mindset of knowing that you gave it your all, if things don't work out the way in which you wanted them to, so be it, at least you tried.
Even though in your mind a situation may be viewed as of great importance to you, ask yourself this, is it really that important, so important that it tears you apart, it is in this time that you must adjust the way in which you view things to allow for you to take control of yourself.
Some things in life are just out of our control, we must all learn and understand this, we do our best, and move on.
The phrase, things will get better, that is true, they will, this is hard for anyone to except when they are in a bad way, but keeping this in mind when your in a bad way, is one way of taken control of yourself.

Now is the time to look at yourself, and take full control of yourself, you do have a purpose in life, and no matter how bad things are today, I promise you they will get better.
The best thing about taken control of yourself is that no one can take that away from you.

I am sure you will find that strength, and move on with your life knowing that you did not let any of this get the better of you, you owe this much to yourself.

You are a great asset to us, and we most certainly don't want to lose you, so keep your head high, and move forward in this way.
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Re: How do you move on?

Post by Guest on Fri 28 Nov 2014, 10:28

Bigrex you are a good man. I met you in Halifax at the hearing and from that experience and what I have seen on Csat, I can see clearly that you have great integrity, strength and compassion. Reach out to your many friends on Csat as I know they all genuinely care and will give you support. One day at a time Bigrex. Take care and be kind to yourself.

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Re: How do you move on?

Post by Teentitan on Fri 28 Nov 2014, 14:35

Rex call the VAC Crisis Line 1-800-268-7708

You need to reach out to this program and get some help.
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Re: How do you move on?

Post by cosmo12 on Fri 28 Nov 2014, 14:47

Bigrex;

I can not say more than Trooper, I have been there too and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Me too I do not know you much but each time someone need help on CSAT you are there the first to rise you hand to help...

Loosing control....We try so hard to control what is not possible. Keep your energy to control what you can. I would follow Teentitan advise and call the crisis line, it help!!

In the mean time do at least one thing that make your feel good, coffee at Tim, a movie etc anything you like. This you control....taking care of you it will make you feel good. Dont have the energy just do small things you will see it will make you feel good.

Take care and do not hesitate to drop me a line in private if you need someone to talk to.

Take care
Cosmo

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Re: How do you move on?

Post by Rifleman on Fri 28 Nov 2014, 14:48

Bigrex you must stay strong and think off all the good you have done here on CSAT the information I have obtained from you has been a tremendous help to me. I know it seems like the worst time of your life but things will get better, you must stay strong and continue to fight. Everyone is sending positive vibes your way and hopefully this will give you the strength to carry on. We are here for you and will continue to offer our support!

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Re: How do you move on?

Post by Guest on Fri 28 Nov 2014, 15:38

Sometimes things look so black but with time things always look and feel better. Always think of your children and the legacy that these actions can have on them. Your family doesn't look at you with pity, you've done nothing wrong! Try and keep focused and worry and take care of yourself. You've reached the bottom but the only way to move forward is up. A person with your intellect and compassion no doubt will recover. As for your wife, you have two options , either don't forgive her and if you choose this , move on and leave her, it's the only way but the second option is if you love her, then forgive her and forgive her means to let it go because hating her for doing this will destroy you. Also look at it from her side, without a doubt it was wrong and a terrible decision on her part, but you being a disabled veteran and all the stress that comes with this, it might have just been a lapse of judgement because our spouses also have to deal with a lot of pain and stress with this life. We are human and nobody has never not made a mistake. I wish you the best and try to find that bit of light and move forward, nothing heals like time.

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Re: How do you move on?

Post by Guest on Fri 28 Nov 2014, 19:18

big rex you have been here for all of us and we should be and are here for you . I really have no helpful words outside of considering teens advice. we love ya buds so hang in there for us.

WE NEED YOU.

propat

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Re: How do you move on?

Post by bigrex on Fri 28 Nov 2014, 22:53

Thank you everyone. it may be just words on a computer screen, but they mean more to me than I think I can ever express. I will not be going anywhere. My family has confiscated all my meds, and my knife collection, and my privacy (for the most part). So there is no way for me to act on those sudden impulsive urges.
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Re: How do you move on?

Post by Guest on Sat 29 Nov 2014, 18:12

Good to hear from you Bigrex and very glad you are not going anywhere. Take care.

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Re: How do you move on?

Post by pinger on Sat 29 Nov 2014, 18:56

Hi there Big Rex,

Guess what? I'm in the same boat as you. My wife of 28 years took off with some real estate guy last June. Talk about rearranging my ducks in a row? I did call some Quebec? help line and the guy had patience and understanding. He helped, anonymously for around an hour.
Emails, phonecalls...mmm... True friends. Not the fairweather flavour of the day.

They need your mileage and it ain't a snapshot. Your blessed if you have 2 - 3.

So much for my CM X-mas card...  lol!

You keep head up Rex, stay strong. Keep in touch with your doc too.

You have helped me and others here on csat. pm me anytime.

Ahh hell, I haven't been down east for a while. I should just come down there and give you a kick in the butt. It's a healthy thing you know?

pinger.
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Re: How do you move on?

Post by RobbieRoyal on Sat 29 Nov 2014, 20:20

To my friend Big Rex a man I have never met but a man whom has a gift and yet finds himself at a severe loss in a time when one needs to be surrounded by those that he holds dear. Well buddy I look up to men like you because through all that you have been through you still give me strength through wisdom and personal tragedy. You may find yourself alone and hell even dishonored by those close to you so instead of asking why or how do I go on, ask us what we need and we will tell you straight up, YOU our resident research God and veteran to all. I asked myself the very same question 14 years ago and I was asked to help others due to a community being lost, now we are all in a better place because we never have to ask why anymore. God Bless brother and in life we acquire a certain vocabulary, only word most forget, forgiveness.
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Re: How do you move on?

Post by Guest on Wed 08 Apr 2015, 11:05

Sorry haven't been in the loop for a while...sorry I missed this Rex. You and I were one of the first ones to join Csat although my join date doesn't reflect that. I've seen your help...I've had battles with you on subjects lol. Your a good person, this I know. I too have went through a long lengthy battle a few years ago. My whole world crashed. I too went through the pain of adultery. The pain of losing everyone around me. I went months without anyone and only me staring at the walls. Popping med's....thinking about the big oak in the driveway and me hanging from it and still have to go to school. Life can throw alot of curveballs at disabled people. We are good people in bad situations. Anyone that is on this forum and all Vets going through trials and tribulations really do have to speak up and at least vent on here. Guys like Teen are good people...pinger navigation recon you and sparrow and many more are here. So although Rex you've overcome this to my knowledge others should know...many have been there. Please do not do stupid shit when your feeling down. There is help!

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Re: How do you move on?

Post by georges on Wed 08 Apr 2015, 16:23

bigrex, well, like many of us you now know that hell is on earth. We live day to because it is hard, and in some crazy way we endure, HOW? I sure as hell do not know. One thing for sure we are all here PM me if you want to talk, any time..... Life is a trail full of traps and obsticles, but it does get better trust me. Most of us here have stories to go and jump of a brige but will are all here spilling our gust out, WY because it work's, you are never alone.

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Re: How do you move on?

Post by Guest on Thu 09 Apr 2015, 07:53

I need help how do you private message some one on this site!!

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