I WISH EVERYONE A HAPPY (HAPPIER) LIFE!!!

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I WISH EVERYONE A HAPPY (HAPPIER) LIFE!!!

Post by ArtyRMS on Wed 17 Dec 2014, 12:58

Hello! This would be my first time posting/replying in this forum so please bear with me? I have been reading and getting a lot of great information through this forum which I am really grateful. I was going to wait a little bit longer until I got much better (emotionally) before I create an account but here I am.

I have been battling with depression since 2008 and probably stress and anxiety prior to. In 2009 while suffering from severe depression my chain of command implied 'voluntary release (VR) ' to me. I knew what a 'voluntary release' was because I was clerk and a release supervisor the year before ; ). What a fool I was, I did submit my VR and was approved in no time within a couple of weeks or three maybe. After a month and coming into my senses I tried to retract my VR and made reasonable effort to make my case that I needed help and that my MO's input shall be taken into consideration prior to any decisions such as VR. It took almost three months before the CF could get back at me only to deny the retraction of my VR. Note: that in between I was admitted at a psychiatric hospital for three weeks. The CF was nice enough to give me a couple of weeks of extra sick leave before I was officially released from the military in October of 2009.

Since released from the military (my) life was in a lot of ups and downs, well more downhill. I got into drinking but not too much as my body could not handle the mixture of meds and alcohol. Gambling, poker in particular gave me a sense of relief but would find myself more agitated afterwards. I knew I would never get into illegal drugs because my brother went through it years ago and I have seen the effect of it first hand. When I decided to stop or slow down on gambling I found myself hooked into 'massage parlours'. All of these things were given me happiness but only temporary happiness.

Just like any other or most veterans - DVA (Department of Veterans Affairs) bureaucracy did not help my health and well-being. In August of 2014 I stopped taking cymbalta (anti-depressant) - one of many meds I was taking. Oh man, was it awful - the bran zapping was the worst. Prior to this, I have made a decision to myself that 'suicide' would never be an option in my life. A lot of reasons - and one that sticks out the most was the 'suicide' within the military and veterans. Despite the 'deaths' - our very own government is doing too little and/or too late with this issue. On my 38th birthday in August 2014 while going through withdrawals I went to DVA office with a memorandum demanding concerns and declared myself 'homeless'. DVA was nice to me that day maybe because it was my birthday - DVA contacted VETS (Veterans Emergency Transition Services) ensuring I had a safe place to stay over the weekend while they try and address the issues I brought up. The following Monday (still homeless), I wrote another memorandum and went on 'hunger strike' - it didn't last as police officers came before the end of that day and escorted me outside, handcuffed me and placed me in the back of the police transport van. The police were nice enough to drop me off close to the place VETS Canada secured accommodation for me – no charges were laid as I did nothing wrong. My 'hunger strike' only lasted for about 10 hours or so and my 'homelessness' lasted for a few days. I contacted my wife and my psychologist that evening that I was coming home. I never cried so much in my life during this time.

The thoughts of leaving my family to be a 'homeless' person was not pretty. Actually doing and being a 'homeless' person I would say is as close as I could get or the feeling of committing suicide. But then again, I knew and have decided that suicide will never be part of my life - we may make a point by doing it but, we are always better and could do more if we were alive. Life is not supposed to be easy in the first place - challenging it is.

As of September 2014 - I have stopped most of my meds only the sleeping pills. One evening I attended a 'Buddhism meditation' and Dharma sharing (teaching of Buddha) that I saw at the local newspaper. I have been practicing not Buddhism but ‘Buddhism meditation” since. Today, I no longer take any medications but I continue to see my psychologist, psychiatrist and currently on post pain management clinic i.e. physio, massage, kinesiologist.

In September or October of 2014 my PIA (Permanent Impairment Allowance) and Supplementary were approved!!!

I still go through the same physical pain and mental suffering on a daily basis plus the DVA bureaucracy but with this 'meditation' I now have a clearer mind, a relax mind. I go through anger and frustrations just like most of you but now at least I can see myself, I can hear myself, I can feel myself when before I could not see anyone but me. I could finally feel the pain I have brought to myself and to my family, to my wife especially. I am not as happy as other normal people but definitely am happier than in the past. I hope that others do find a way, a positive, healthier way of moving forward.

I would like to share this webpage to everyone and I hope that you may pick up a line or two that may enlighten you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17_TtOysQOA&list=PLOyFmfwcUgZKjvdtBHzZCfe1D1WwNzPAU

NOTE:
If you can not view the webpage, please go to you tube and type in: ajahn brahm depression and anxiety

Thank you all and I wish everyone a happy, a happier life.

ArtyRMS
Meditation is my medication!

ArtyRMS
CSAT Member

Number of posts : 7
Location : Chilliwack, BC
Registration date : 2014-11-29

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Re: I WISH EVERYONE A HAPPY (HAPPIER) LIFE!!!

Post by Guest on Wed 17 Dec 2014, 13:26

Such an empowering and poignant post ArtyRMS. It takes a brave person to share their inner most thoughts, struggles and feelings publically and through doing so have helped others. Welcome to Csat.

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Re: I WISH EVERYONE A HAPPY (HAPPIER) LIFE!!!

Post by Trooper on Wed 17 Dec 2014, 13:39

ArtyRMS,

Thanks for sharing your story, I certainly enjoyed reading it.

Your story holds true to what so many of us are experiencing today as we all in some way shape - or form - try to handle ourselves in a way that would result in having a happier life.

You have found what appears to have resulted in you being a happier person, at least happier than the past.
Good for you in doing so, keep up the good work, you have taken control of yourself, and now you are in a better way for doing so.
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Re: I WISH EVERYONE A HAPPY (HAPPIER) LIFE!!!

Post by Guest on Wed 17 Dec 2014, 13:52

Welcome , your among friends here, remember the past , think of it as driving your car and looking into the rear view mirror, there gone, turn around and always look forward, go forward and you will get to that good spot in life.

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Re: I WISH EVERYONE A HAPPY (HAPPIER) LIFE!!!

Post by Teentitan on Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:23

A very strong man admits his problems and works to fix it. Well done Arty well done.
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